Yes, that is the title. I am shoe addicted and I am always looking for members to add to my collection. The majority of the time this happens without much thought. If something catches my eye and if it won’t make me homeless, I buy it. However, the search for the perfect white stiletto is ongoing and this pair has remained out of my reach for one reason or another.
You see I know exactly what I want and that is part of the problem. I have been obsessing over a pair by Christian Louboutin's that are aptly named Hot Chick. They are glorious. You may be asking, if I know what I want why don’t I just get it? Fair question, and there are several reasons, the main being that when I saw them 2 years ago they did not have my size (yikes) and lastly they are no longer available. I have scoured the interwebs and have come up short on multiple occasions. So now, they are a sort of urban myth that I measure all other white stilettos by.
I recently celebrated my 44th turn around the sun and have been in a reflective mood and these shoes, or rather the lack of these them popped back into my head. Obviously , I was not only thinking about shoes. I thought about my life and it’s purpose, and all the things the things you ponder as you add another year of experience to this thing called life. My mind couldn’t help but think about my perpetual state of singleness. I have had some rather close encounters with coupledom, but they were short-lived and far and few in between.
If I am being honest, which I am... I am EXHAUSTED of dating. It is such a process. I did most of my dating online because: Switzerland. But now that the Rona is out there that is even not an option. It is not the ideal time to be trying to meet up with strangers. I digress, pre-covid, the process was mind numbing. Swiping, swiping, swiping until you found someone who was not a troll (or at least didn’t look like one), then comes the tantalizing small talk, followed by; if you are lucky, the obligatory drink or coffee date. I am not saying you can’t meet the ONE out there. Needles have been found in haystacks- I am just saying that it is hard work.
Spring has sprung and perhaps that is reason I am thinking about those damn white shoes. Whatever the reason I drew an important parallel between my negative white stiletto balance and the absence of male companionship in my life. It hit me like ton of bricks. If I am willing to wait over three years before I find the perfect pair of shoes, why should I expect to find the perfect mate for me the first (or the fiftieth ) time trying?
Of course I have seen other white stilettos, but something was always off. Be it the color, (no cream or beige, I want white). The heel was wrong. Or worse yet, the material was sub-par, and that is the kiss of death. Wearing cheap (quality not price) shoes goes against my core values… I just can’t. You can possibly get away with it in another color. However, a cheap WHITE shoe can be seen from miles away. Seriously, after you take the time to get dressed, put on makeup (if you are so inclined), do your hair, put on your smell goods, do you really want to step out like that? For me the answer, is absolutely NOT and that is why I do not have any…yet.
It is not for lack of trying. I figure unless Christian Louboutin remakes this particular shoe, I find it on the dark web, or I find another one that meets all my requirements the quest will continue. Bottom line is; I want white stilettos, so I would be foolish to buy red ones thinking that they would satisfy my desire. So, in the meantime I will keep the space in my closet and heart open for the right ones. Life is short. Decide what you want and say no to everything that isn’t that. Settling is for dust and I am NOT dust, and neither are you. Act accordingly.
“ To wear dreams on one’s feet, is to give reality to one’s dreams.” - Roger Vivier